Internet Luddite

It occurred to me as I futzed around with putting this blog together that I'm something of a "Luddite" when it comes to the whole internet thing. This is more than a little ironic to those who know me, given my enthusiastic embrace of all things tech. Yet as I browsed my IE favorites to find some links of interest to post here, it became readily apparent that I just don't do a helluva lot online. For example, I've never been on eBay. Ever. Of course I know what eBay is, but I must say I was momentarily tempted to take John Scherer of Video Professor up on his offer to try [his] product™ just so I could get his free CD on eBay. I mean, who wouldn't? You just put the CD in your computer and it plays just like a VCR! Now you're talkin'. But alas, he couldn't promise to make me a millionaire by selling baseball cards on eBay, so no deal.

Not only have I never been on eBay, I've never been on MySpace, though something tells me I'm not missing anything. Nor have I ever made a phone call using Skype, which despite my telecom background, seems like internet voodoo to me. Second Life is what I hope to experience after racking up high score on this life's quarter. And, truth be told, I'm not sure I can conceptualize "surfing" the net. Do people really ride a random wave from site to site? I don't get it.

My wife has asked the question "what the hell do you do on the damned computer?" more than once. Evidently not much, which doesn't seem to accurately account for the 8 to12 hours I might spend online in a given day. Ok, there's work, but that doesn't count. I mean after I log on in the morning and delete the 200 or so email messages that flooded my inbox overnight, I just sorta space out for an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too; I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. By the way, I think it's no small coincidence that Ron Livingston, aka Peter Gibbons, is now my company's spokesperson... well, that's the word on the street. (Editor's note: [sniff] ah, yes, the unforgettable stench of the copyright nazis, said the aspiring intellectual property lawyer. Link broken forever.)

So if it's not work, then what? Well, I'd like to think of myself as well-informed, but am deeply suspicious of the MSM, so I get my infotainment fix from the Drudge Report. I know, I know... Drudge has his days when his site reads like the front page of the National Enquirer, but I like the diversity in content. If I'm feeling political, I wander to National Review Online; Jonah Goldberg is the George Will for my generation. I might even take a gander at a Bill O'Reilly clip over on Fox. But the single greatest waste of my time is a cesspool of a UBB known as alt.games.warbirds. [old man voice] Back in the day, I used to bring hell to those damn Naaatzeees [/old man voice] virtually, of course, in a MMO air combat sim known as WarBirds. But like most Americans, I have a short attention span when it comes to stuff like war, so now I merely engage in verbal dogfights, trading insults and the occasional word of practical advice with my virtual friends and enemies alike. While by no means the most prolific, I've logged 4591 verbal "sorties" since July 1999. Some of these were short "out n' backs," a word or two or maybe a smilie. Most, however, were fairly lengthy (no surprise given what you've read here), involving some sort of planning, gathering of intel and whatnot. Estimating an average of 30 minutes per post, I've logged just under 2300 hours--95 days--indulging in my favorite pastime of being an opinionated jerk. Maybe I should reconnect with my inner Amish and get back to life's basics.